Seriously, Fern?
by whiteraven1606
Summary: Deeks is given the 'Care and Feeding of G Callen' and doesn't quite believe it all.


Kensi frowned as Sam shoved past Deeks and headed upstairs. G watched Sam go for a several moments before turning and grinning at Deeks.

"He's warming up to you."

Deeks raised his eyebrow and stared after G as he bounded up the stairs to catch up with Sam. Kensi slipped up to stand beside Deeks and wasn't surprised when he didn't startle.

"He actually is warming. He didn't threaten you."

"Ah, thanks for your support, Fern."

Punching him hard in the arm for that stupid name, Kensi watched him carefully. He didn't exactly flinch, but there was something there. She narrowed her eyes. "You okay?"

He shrugged, which if she applied Callen body language rules meant 'Hell no,' then he turned to face her squarely. "You have any idea how Hetty got me out of my current assignment?"

She raised her eyebrow at him. "She's Hetty."

He frowned. As he started to open his mouth, Hetty appeared at his elbow.

"Mr. Deeks. Are you waiting for an invitation?"

"Ah...No, ma'am."

Kensi bit her lip as Hetty gave Deeks the Look. When Hetty shifted to her, Kensi put her hands out palms up and started back towards the stairs. "Oh, no, we were just going now, Hetty."

Hetty watched them blandly as Kensi drug Deeks by the elbow and propelled him up the stairs.

* * *

Kensi watched Sam storm down the stairs and Callen trail slowly after. Deeks stepped up beside her.

"He's going to kill me, isn't he?"

She pulled a jump drive from her pocket. "Here. Read the whole thing, don't tell Callen it exists and don't lose it."

Deeks looked bewildered, but he took the USB drive and made it disappear. He stared straight ahead for several moments. "Thanks."

She smiled and cocked an eyebrow. "Just quit calling me that stupid name."

He grinned at her. "Sure thing, Fern."

She punched him even as he tried to duck away. "Asshole."

He grinned harder and headed down the stairs.

* * *

She refused to jump even when he startled her later that afternoon. "What?"

He slipped the USB drive into her front pocket, barely touching her as he did. "Really? All of it?"

"Yep." She grabbed his hand as he tried to pick her pocket. "You're rusty."

He just grinned and pulled his hand back. "You're just good. The hotel bed thing too? You aren't shitting me?"

She stood and started to walk down the hallway. "Look, you're going to be Callen's backup for this insane operation and you need to know enough not to get you both killed."

"So? Serious then."

She sighed and nodded, turning the corner and heading down the next hallway. "Totally. Look, Callen is complicated. He doesn't stay in one place for long. Just try not to get both of you killed, okay?"

Deeks nodded, so she left him near Hetty's desk so he could be ambushed for wardrobe.

* * *

Deeks sat down on the hallway floor near the end, out of the way. He went through the handbook Kensi had let him read. There was a lot there and he could see why Callen was handled carefully. He just _thought_ he was paranoid. He leaned his head back against the wall as Callen approached.

"Hey." Callen settled against the other wall and stretched his legs out in front of him. "Anyone give you the speil on how to handle me yet?"

He smiled. "Yep. Half of it doesn't make sense."

Callen grinned. "Happy to be confusing."

"Why do you use your real name in here?"

"What, like your name isn't really Deeks?"

He refused to blink. "Maybe."

Callen smiled. "I don't even know my first name." He shrugged. "It doesn't really matter to me in here. Hetty knows things the CIA would like to wipe from her brain and..." He gestured the direction of the bullpen. "They are all trustworthy." Callen raised an eyebrow at him. "You know what you are really asking?"

Deeks leaned back against the wall. "You think I except Hetty to try to make me an agent?"

With a shrug, Callen looked down the hall. "I think you are smart enough to know what she's trying to do. Sam won't accept we aren't getting Dom back as an agent, but Hetty does."

He nodded. "I won't get us killed. Just try not to shot at me this time."

Callen stood and held his hand out to help Deeks stand. "If I was shooting at you I'd have hit you."

* * *

Deeks swept his hair out of his eyes with his free hand. "You shot at me!"

Callen shrugged and nudged over the dead body to make sure it was dead. "You were in the way. And I didn't shot at you. I shot at him."

"Whatever." Deeks stepped around the body and checked the body of the guy that had nearly shot Callen from behind. "Do you know that the how to take care of you document is over 50 pages long?"

"Really?" Callen riffled through the dead guy's pockets. "I would have thought it was longer." He smiled up at Deeks. "It say anything about my moving all the time?"

"Yeah. I chalk that up to having no one to watch your back. Just move in with Sam and get some real sleep." Deeks ducked back as Callen threw a pen he'd pulled from the dead guy's pocket. "What? It isn't like he wouldn't be all over you if you let him."

Callen rolled his eyes and stood up. "I'll tell Sam you said that."

Deeks scrambled after Callen as the other man left the room. "Hey! Now wait just a second..."

* * *

Callen huffed into Sam's neck as they relaxed on Sam's couch. The case had wrapped up and his nearly shooting Deeks again hadn't gotten him yelled at by Hetty, so Callen was content.

"What, G?" Sam stroked down Callen's back with a firm hand.

"Just thinking about what Deeks said about how I should just let you ravish me."

Sam's hand froze. "Deeks used the word ravish?"

Callen smiled against Sam's skin. "Nope. He just said you'd be all over me if I let you."

Sam pushed Callen back on the couch and hovered over him. "Sounds like a smart guy."

"Pretty much." Callen stretched up and captured Sam's mouth in a kiss, then he pulled back. "Did you know Kensi's care and feeding of me document has gotten to be over 50 pages?"

Sam snaked a hand up to cover Callen's mouth. "Shut up for right now, G."

Callen snorted and licked Sam's palm for the fun of it. Sam yanked his hand away and narrowed his eyes at Callen.

"That isn't helping your case, G."

Callen laughed and pulled Sam down on top of himself. "Let's see if this helps..." Callen lost himself in the feel of Sam pressing him down into the couch as they each made their case.


End file.
